Thursday, February 18, 2010

Choosing the Bridal Party

In the early stages of “I’m engaged now what?” I started worrying about choosing my bridal party.  One thing I learned in my travels to other wedding websites is that you CAN have uneven sides when it comes to the bridal party.  Seeing it in black and white that we can have a different number of bridesmaids vs. groomsmen was SUCH a relief to me, although I felt a little silly for worrying about it in the first place.

We’re having a really small guest list.  Neither of us are close to our extended family, and we’re both pretty shy and reserved, so we want just immediate family and our close friends.  (No looking up old high school buddies on Facebook for us).  So for my bridal party I only want a maid of honor (my sister) and no bridesmaids or I wouldn’t have anyone to WATCH the ceremony, just stand beside me.  On the other hand, although Adam hasn’t exactly committed to who his best man will be and who his groomsman will be, I know he wants his brother and best friend up there with him.

I suppose I could choose one of my friends to be in the bridal party, and the others could watch.  But how do I choose just one without hurting the feelings of the others?  We met around the same time, we socialize pretty much the same amount; there is no “best friend,” we’re just equally friendly.  Preserving my relationship with all of them is more important to me than “matching” the groom’s side.  And I suppose it’s true that maybe I COULD have a discussion with Adam about having “family only” in the bridal party so the sides are balanced.  But not only is this guy his friend from childhood, but if his friend is going to the trouble of flying from England to America then he deserves a special place there.  And Adam hasn’t asked for much regarding the whole wedding thing.  So no, setting a limit wouldn’t make for a happier day for us.  And are people really going to point and whisper, "Look, they can't count, they don't have enough bridesmaids!"  Photos are just as pretty with unbalanced sides.  The couple smiles just as big.

So it’s not like prior to finding advice online about the bridal party I planned to tell Adam, “Pick one because I have one.”  I want him to have all the support that he likes, and not increase the pressure on him when it comes to the wedding.  But I feel less like I’m breaking tradition now that the internets have given me permission to just go with it.  Readers, will your bridal party be uneven?  If so, is it concerning you in terms of the ceremony or formal photos?
Photos courtesy of:
Gretchen Mahen


  1. I'm sure you saw my post about the same concern and many other brides commented that they too have uneven sides. The great thing you can do is have your friend be escorted by both gentlemen. I'm sure that will make her feel special and look great in photos. That's some of the advice that I got from other bloggers.

  2. Thanks for the idea :) I might do that, or I might have one of the men waiting with Adam. Or maybe one could walk with my mom since she'd otherwise be unescorted. Not sure.

  3. Oh and BTW, JEM, I think your blog WAS one of the ones that "gave me permission" to go for it and have an uneven wedding party :)

  4. I think it's fine to have an uneven bridal party- the only time it looked funny to me was when the bride had 9 bridesmaids and the groom had 1 groomsman. So I think a little difference shouldn't be a big deal :o)

  5. We are having a small bridal party too. I included one of my closest friend as the MOH and my cousin as a BM. My FI has two best men and a groomsmen. It was definitely a non-issue for us.

  6. Do whatever makes you happy. Mr B wanted 10, but he cut it down to five. At the time I felt like I had to be all matchy matchy. We jumped into the whole planning thing way too early. I should have just had who I wanted, even if it didn't match.

    And in our wedding album we have three pages of bridal party pics - one of the girls, one of the boys, and one of the whole group. So don't worry too much about unbalanced photos.

  7. nothing wrong with uneven sides, imo. we'll have just siblings standing with us, two for me, and one for FI. :)

  8. Our numbers were uneven and it was totally fine!

  9. I don't see nothing wrong with uneven sides either. Just do whatever makes you feel better. It is your wedding after all.


  10. I'd never even thought about the bridal party being even and I don't recall it ever being an issue for people's wedding photos. I speak from experience, I've taken a fair few wedding photos...


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