Saturday, May 30, 2009

Making the Long Distance Relationship Work

 If you asked me in April of 2006 if I wanted to be in a long distance relationship, I’d have said “Not a CHANCE.” Heck, I’m engaged to Adam now and I still don’t want to be in one.

I knew really early on when I first started talking to Adam that we were headed for a romantic relationship. He was just so easy to talk to, attentive, easy on the eyes. And the whole time I thought “this is great, I really like this guy, but how does this work with him in England and me in Massachusetts?” I really had to search my soul to figure out what to say, and what to do when the time came for us to take it to that next level. Did I want to be in a long distance relationship? No. Did I want to end things with this guy who I had a real connection with and was the highlight of my evenings? No.

Well, as you can guess I wouldn’t be writing a wedding blog about the two of us today if I opted out, so the day he told me “I love you,” I told him I love him too.

It hasn’t always been easy. When a year went by since we started talking and he didn’t feel ready to meet in person, I started to lose faith in us. I understood his reservation. Meeting could have been a disaster. We could have had no chemistry in person. Maybe online dating really was just an illusion like some people say, and reality wouldn’t live up to the fantasy. But for crying out loud, a YEAR. That’s a long time to wonder and wait. I did come close to breaking it off one dark cold wintery evening after a year and a half. I let him know this was too hard. I just didn’t want to do this anymore.

“So you’re breaking up with me?”


“Well then what choice do we have?”

Besides being helpful, Adam is VERY straightforward. I can get cranky and moody and indecisive, but he is much more black and white. And of course, he was right. Obviously. But it wasn’t until that moment that I really took it to heart that it was either long distance or nothing. And it didn’t make sense to end the relationship because I wanted MORE. That’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

And now I felt even more impressed with him, that he’s that patient that he was willing to wait. And he's that confident in our relationship that he never worried about the little detail of being so far away. Either that or he’s incredibly strong to not let on that it’s hard on him too. He’s my rock.


Friday, May 29, 2009

Meeting Mr. Right

This is the story of my engagement. I was never one of those girls who daydreamed about planning her wedding. I am artistic, and particular about design and decorating, and I have some sense of personal style. But I always felt like planning a wedding before you’ve found Mr. Right is just plain tempting fate.

Well, I found Mr. Right, so the time to daydream is now!

But before I get into the engagement, and all the details of planning a wedding in Massachusetts, let me tell you a little about Adam and me.

Back when I was living out in Western Massachusetts, I frequented MSN spaces. Through commenting on various blogs I happened upon a random forum. A year or so later I distinctly remember Adam sending me a personal message. It was VERY out of the blue, just a little “hello.” And I wrote him off, pretty much, as some flirt. But I figured I might as well say hi back, I guess. Then he wanted to chat on messenger. Again I thought, “Who does he think he is?” I told him I didn’t have it, figuring he’d move on, take the hint that I’m not interested. Well, he immediately gave me a link to download it. And then he spent over an hour, through the PM system, helping me install it and set it up and customize it.

That seemed awfully nice and helpful to do for someone you just met.

Well, Adam later told me that he had been reading my posts on the forum for a while, and I didn’t even realize it, but I’d commented on his blog prior to that. So at the same time I was impressed by how helpful he was to a random stranger, he was encouraged that I was friendly and didn’t shoot him down thinking he was some random flirt and asking, “Who do you think you are?”

The next evening, just for fun, I logged in at the exact same time, to see if he was there. And he was. Every day that week. And the week turned into a month. An unspoken standing “date” became part of our routine. This was back in May of 2006. And by the end of August, he told me for the first time that he loves me. A magical moment that made me feel thrilled, and all those other wonderfully indescribable feelings that go with being committed to each other.

Oh, and did I mention he lives 3,000 miles away?

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Readers, what is your relationship status?