Mom was so quiet that I wondered if she was just out of her element. Though I was looking for clearance wedding dresses, she paid $15 at a department store for the dress she wore for her wedding, so this was just all foreign to her. But I expected her to be making embarrassing jokes and laughing too loudly at them, not staying quiet. I felt a little disappointed, because I had this vision of us tearing up at the sight of me in a wedding dress...haha SO cheesy, I know, but, well, yeah. At the very least I thought going to a wedding gown store with her and trying them on would be fun, but she was so stony faced that I felt a little uncomfortable, like I could have done this alone for the whole lack of input I was getting.
Well, I tried to shrug it off because I was still excited, as soon as I put that dress on I was felt, "This is it; this is exactly what I had in mind." So I figured, "It's not like I’m lost without her advice and she's letting me down, so no use feeling bad here." I'm glad I looked at lots of wedding dresses online before making my first appointment!
So with all that going on in my head, once I was ready to make a deposit they told me the price of the alterations. That’s when I felt freaked out. The cost of alterations was going to nearly double the price.
That’s when it hit me. I asked myself, "Do I really want to spend all this money for a dress I'll wear once? It's just a dress; I could wear any white dress and the wedding could still go on and it will be totally special." Mom said just what I knew she'd say: “Well, it’s up to you.” Yes, obviously; I’m the one paying. I decided that maybe I won't do alterations through the wedding gown store, I could shop around for a seamstress. So we put down a deposit and walked out.
And that’s when she finally she told me she had "devastating news."
I just knew her head was not in it.
So I was upset for both reasons. I felt cheated about the experience of shopping for a wedding dress with my mom. I had thought this was going to be a night she and I would always remember fondly, her first born becoming a bride. I tried to suck it up and be supportive since she suffered in silence while I tried on gowns, and because hers is a much bigger issue than my dress. I immediately told her that this is a blessing in disguise because it's been clear how much she hates this job; it was killing her and this is going to force her to make a change. But I knew she was right when she said, "But the economy's bad and I'm old." It took her nearly a year last time to find a job.
So I didn’t enjoy our dinner out after that. I was upset for her, plus I couldn't get the voice in my head to stop saying, "You're paying THAT MUCH for a dress you'll wear ONCE?!" So by the end of dinner, she made some comment to the effect that I shouldn't have made the deposit. Instead of saying something I'd regret I excused myself to use the restroom because I felt really overwhelmed.
Once I calmed down and came back I think she realized that wasn't fair; I'd asked her for advice before I paid and then she told me AFTER the fact that I did the wrong thing. So she told me what she meant was that SHE wouldn't have paid that much, but I made the right choice. Everyone in the store said how beautiful that wedding dress was (there were I think 3 other brides plus their entourages) and how beautiful I looked in it, and how she and I have different tastes but we both agreed that was the best dress for me. So I felt better. I know she was just stressed when she upset me. And I knew I found the one I wanted, and I got a good deal, so I didn't have a right to feel upset about tonight. But I couldn’t really feel happy now either. I worked on focusing on her worries instead of my wedding dress any more with her.
Fortunately, when I got back to mom’s house, before I headed home, I found that Adam had stayed up (until after 1 am UK time) to ask me how my dinner out was (I'd left out the part about going to look for wedding dresses when I told him I was visiting her today). And although he doesn’t like to hear about the wedding planning stuff (he says it’s too soon to plan anything before we can apply for a visa) I couldn’t keep this a secret. Amazingly, instead of freaking out, he was happy for me! I told him it was the first store I went to, and it was such an amazing price that I couldn’t pass it up, and he seemed very pleased. And I felt less disappointed about the stuff with mom. My groom was happy and so was I.