Thursday, March 18, 2010

Wedding Etiquette: Is Timing Everything?

One thing that really bothered me on the wedding website I visited had to do with the timing of the wedding.  Now, I don’t know how the visa application process is going to work.  I don’t know how big of a window we’re going to get between the time we get the approval to marry, and the time that the visa expires if we’re not married. I feel as though there is a very real chance that this wedding could suddenly get RUSHED.  That’s why I’m looking at vendors now. And originally I told Adam it doesn’t matter, if I have to marry you at City Hall to keep you legal and then we have the ceremony a few months later, so be it.

Well according to some people, on a certain wedding website, that is a HUGE faux pas.

That made me sad. Posters said things like it makes the wedding into a big “gift grab.”  And “Shame on you for wanting a BWW (big white wedding) when a wedding isn’t about the show, it’s about getting married.”  Not to me directly.  I kept my mouth shut on there as they ripped into some other poor girl.  But it bothered me just as much.

If we end up forced to marry in, say, March, I don’t want Adam’s family to have to take a transatlantic flight for a single wedding weekend (or be stuck entertaining themselves while I work if they come for longer) on their first ever trip here to the states. As a school teacher I can’t just take a week vacation when I want.

And I don’t want a big wedding. I plan on having fewer than 25 guests. I don’t care about gifts. I own my own home and I have everything I need; people can keep their toasters.

What I DO want is to have good food, a showy dress, pretty flowers, nice music, and photos to commemorate one of the most important days in our lives. Something significant for such a significant part of our relationship. However, apparently, this is one of the tackiest things you can do for a wedding.

I think of myself as a traditional girl. I want my wedding to be traditional. White dress, classical music, white cake.  So this makes me sad. I really hope I don’t end up having to choose between a wedding that works for me and my family, and following proper wedding etiquette. Add one to the list of wedding stressors.
Photo Courtesy of:
J El Caganer


  1. It's YOUR wedding, do whatever the hell you like!

  2. Don't let their comments bother you. I've known plenty of couples who have done this, and it's not a big deal at all. It's all about the way YOU want to do things. Stick to that.

  3. There is nothing wrong with a civil ceremony with a wedding afterwards. Sometimes you just have to do that to make the logistics work out. NOTHING wrong with it. A wedding is hardly a gift grab, since 99% of the time you put WAY more $ in than you get out in gifts. Ridiculous! So please please don't let the comments get to you!

  4. Don't pay attention to etiquette. Do what's right for you and your fiance!


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