Picking Out My Unique Diamond Engagement Ring

 
After months of planning and looking and daydreaming, Adam finally brought me to pick out my engagement ring setting.  His family’s jeweler is a tiny place called Totang, in the shopping area of Kettering in England.  I looked at a lot of settings online, but when we arrived at the shop I was STILL unsure what I wanted.  I showed the man the heirloom round diamond that would go in my engagement ring, and I let him know I wanted to look at yellow gold diamond solitaires but I’d also like to see two tone engagement rings.  He nodded and pulled out a little stand with 9 different round diamond engagement rings.

Immediately, one ring in particular stood out.  The plain yellow gold diamond solitaires were just okay.  The two tone engagement rings that had a twisty style were unique diamond engagement rings but I didn’t think a wedding band would fit nicely against those.  No, the one I liked right away looked very classic.  It had just one groove in it where the rounded yellow meets the rounded white gold, making it interesting but practical next to a band.  It looked perfect to me. 

It surprised me that after all the round diamond engagement rings I’d seen, how quick and simple the choice was.  I thought I was going to have to sleep on this decision.  After all, I’m going to wear this unique diamond engagement ring forever, so I want to be able to always look at this symbol of our love and commitment with fondness. I didn’t think this tiny shop was going to have enough variety, but I didn’t need to see any others.  That was my ring.

The jeweler sized my finger (in England they use letter sizes instead of numbers like here).  I’d printed out ahead of time a little sizing chart and thought I was an M ½ (how can a letter be halved?) but when he checked he told me I’m an M.  So Adam placed the order for my engagement ring and the man told him it would be six weeks.

Six weeks!?

I was leaving in less than 5!

“I can have it ready on August 22.”

“We drive Amber to the airport that day.”

Well, he told us to come back after he made some calls, and let us know he could have my engagement ring ready for the 20th.  I was still disappointed because it didn’t seem like that was giving Adam a big window for planning his proposal.  And we wouldn’t have much time together as an engaged couple either.  Yet I didn’t want them to rush it.  I knew Adam had wanted me there to get the fit perfect, but I found myself really wishing he had picked a solitaire engagement ring before I arrived.  But what was done was done.  I left with mixed feelings.  My unique diamond engagement ring was going to be beautiful, I was beyond thrilled that Adam was taking this huge step and we were entering a new level of commitment, but I was so anxious about the timing of the proposal.

Thinking About Engagement Ring Bands

Just as the engagement was not a surprise, neither was my diamond engagement ring.  Now, some people think that it’s not as special or romantic when brides pick out their own unique diamond engagement rings.  And I definitely understand that.  It would have been extremely exciting if I arrived at Heathrow airport and Adam got down on one knee then and there and opened a little box with this surprise glittery thing he picked for me.  But that’s not who Adam is.  And honestly, that’s not my idea of the perfect proposal either.  I like to have control.  I don’t like sudden changes in plans.  And since I’m going to be wearing this ring for the rest of my life, call me greedy and materialistic, but I am really happy Adam let me have a say in it.

Plus looking around for engagement rings online is FUUUUU-UUUUNNNNN!!!

As I’ve said, I was never the type to daydream about my future wedding, or bridal gown, or wedding cake.  And I wasn’t sure what I wanted for an engagement ring.  But since Adam wanted me to go with him to pick out the engagement ring setting to ensure the proper fit, I had 2 months to figure it out.  So I (we…but mostly I) looking at engagement rings online see what’s out there.  I played with those tools online that let you pick a setting and a diamond with the 4Cs within a price range.  I started paying attention to women’s hands at work, thinking “hmm, it looks like white gold engagement rings are in style but not for me…Ooh, I like that unique engagement ring, but I’m not sure I like that wedding band with it.  I wonder if I need to get an engagement ring set to prevent that gap between them that she has…” I learned all about shape, cut, color, clarity, carat, weight and certification.  I looked at the different metals, which are more durable and which are more economical.  I looked at 6 prongs as opposed to 4 prongs.  But mostly I just wanted to see what unique diamond engagement rings looked pretty.

I found that I kept thinking back to mom’s wedding rings.  She had a solitaire engagement ring with a round stone, in yellow gold (and I later learned white gold too) with some grooves going around the band.  Well, I’ve always liked round stones the best so when I looked at different cuts it was no contest.  And I like yellow gold best, but I thought looking at two tone engagement rings would be a good idea because then it would match all my jewelry. And I suppose it might be because of mom’s ring, but when I think “engagement ring” I’ve always thought of round cut diamond solitaire engagement rings, so that’s what I wanted.   

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Photos courtesy of:
rosie davies 
base2wave

Getting Engaged to Be Engaged

This was not a surprise engagement.  We’d talked half kiddingly about “when we’re married and I move to America” for ages.  That became less kidding as time went on.  Until finally on Memorial Day of 2009, Adam asked me if I was interested in getting engaged this summer.  I started screaming for joy, and he said, “That’s not the official question…!”  But I was used to having to make due with voice chat (at least I got to hear him; he typed his first “I love you” to me). So I didn’t consider this to be the actual romantic engagement.  

However, his proposal felt just as exciting as actually getting engaged.  Because now I could start wondering about what sort of romantic wedding proposals he might be thinking of.  Would he get his inspiration from a video game?  Would he be getting down on one knee toward the end of a nice dinner?  Would his proposal be in the gardens outside Rockingham Castle where we went last year?  Will he be proposing at a picnic at East Carlton where he brought me on my first date?  Could his idea of the perfect proposal be sitting on his bed watching Top Gear?  And if he chose that last one, would I say yes?  Hah.

I let mom know we were getting engaged this summer, but no one else.  She was not surprised in the least; when she saw the photos from our first summer together she said “so are you going to marry this guy?”  And I told her yes.  He came for Christmas and though she was happy for me before because she could tell that he makes me happy, once she met him she approved whole heartedly. 

A few people at work started wondering if this would be the summer that I’d be getting engaged.  Some of them asked out loud, but the ones I’m closest to didn’t have to.  They aren’t the kind to make a person feel awkward like that.  But they are the ones who still ask how the wedding planning is going months later, even as the news has worn off.
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Photo courtesy of:  X-Pert

Making the Long Distance Relationship Work

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 If you asked me in April of 2006 if I wanted to be in a long distance relationship, I’d have said “Not a CHANCE.” Heck, I’m engaged to Adam now and I still don’t want to be in one.

I knew really early on when I first started talking to Adam that we were headed for a romantic relationship. He was just so easy to talk to, attentive, easy on the eyes. And the whole time I thought “this is great, I really like this guy, but how does this work with him in England and me in Massachusetts?” I really had to search my soul to figure out what to say, and what to do when the time came for us to take it to that next level. Did I want to be in a long distance relationship? No. Did I want to end things with this guy who I had a real connection with and was the highlight of my evenings? No.

Well, as you can guess I wouldn’t be writing a wedding blog about the two of us today if I opted out, so the day he told me “I love you,” I told him I love him too.

It hasn’t always been easy. When a year went by since we started talking and he didn’t feel ready to meet in person, I started to lose faith in us. I understood his reservation. Meeting could have been a disaster. We could have had no chemistry in person. Maybe online dating really was just an illusion like some people say, and reality wouldn’t live up to the fantasy. But for crying out loud, a YEAR. That’s a long time to wonder and wait. I did come close to breaking it off one dark cold wintery evening after a year and a half. I let him know this was too hard. I just didn’t want to do this anymore.

“So you’re breaking up with me?”

“…no.”

“Well then what choice do we have?”

Besides being helpful, Adam is VERY straightforward. I can get cranky and moody and indecisive, but he is much more black and white. And of course, he was right. Obviously. But it wasn’t until that moment that I really took it to heart that it was either long distance or nothing. And it didn’t make sense to end the relationship because I wanted MORE. That’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

And now I felt even more impressed with him, that he’s that patient that he was willing to wait. And he's that confident in our relationship that he never worried about the little detail of being so far away. Either that or he’s incredibly strong to not let on that it’s hard on him too. He’s my rock.
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Meeting Mr. Right

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This is the story of my engagement. I was never one of those girls who daydreamed about planning her wedding. I am artistic, and particular about design and decorating, and I have some sense of personal style. But I always felt like planning a wedding before you’ve found Mr. Right is just plain tempting fate.

Well, I found Mr. Right, so the time to daydream is now!

But before I get into the engagement, and all the details of planning a wedding in Massachusetts, let me tell you a little about Adam and me.

Back when I was living out in Western Massachusetts, I frequented MSN spaces. Through commenting on various blogs I happened upon a random forum. A year or so later I distinctly remember Adam sending me a personal message. It was VERY out of the blue, just a little “hello.” And I wrote him off, pretty much, as some flirt. But I figured I might as well say hi back, I guess. Then he wanted to chat on messenger. Again I thought, “Who does he think he is?” I told him I didn’t have it, figuring he’d move on, take the hint that I’m not interested. Well, he immediately gave me a link to download it. And then he spent over an hour, through the PM system, helping me install it and set it up and customize it.

That seemed awfully nice and helpful to do for someone you just met.

Well, Adam later told me that he had been reading my posts on the forum for a while, and I didn’t even realize it, but I’d commented on his blog prior to that. So at the same time I was impressed by how helpful he was to a random stranger, he was encouraged that I was friendly and didn’t shoot him down thinking he was some random flirt and asking, “Who do you think you are?”

The next evening, just for fun, I logged in at the exact same time, to see if he was there. And he was. Every day that week. And the week turned into a month. An unspoken standing “date” became part of our routine. This was back in May of 2006. And by the end of August, he told me for the first time that he loves me. A magical moment that made me feel thrilled, and all those other wonderfully indescribable feelings that go with being committed to each other.

Oh, and did I mention he lives 3,000 miles away?

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Photo courtesy of:
lukasz-dunikowski